In order to help explain the deployment experience of those left at home, I'm asking if you'll share your own thoughts.
While many of us go through something very similar during a deployment, we're all unique and have unique reactions to difficult times. I'd like to hear from you about YOUR experience.
For many, the year or more of a deployment (again, for those at home) is an incredibly confusing, intimate, and tumultuous one on a number of levels, and too often, those going through it feel the need to stay quiet about it because what they're going through "is nothing compared to what those at war go through."
But it's not a contest. Every experience is valid and deserves the attention necessary to make sure as many as possible get through it as well as they possibly can.
Please number your answers 1-21, and provide answers only. No need to include the question. Please reply in "COMMENTS" and feel free to answer anonymously.
TWENTY-ONE QUESTIONS
1. Are you male or female?
2. In your first deployment experience, where was (or is) your spouse/lover deployed? Iraq or Afghanistan?
3. Was the person deployed your spouse or your lover?
4. Did you feel the need for emotional support during the deployment? If the deployed was not your spouse but your lover, did you feel adequate support was still available to you?
5. Did you seek support from spouse groups during the deployment?
6. Did the support improve your emotional state? If yes, in what way? If no, why do you think it didn't work?
7. Did you experience any of the following during the deployment? (Please only answer yes if the symptoms occurred regularly or consistently - we almost all have brief periods of weight loss, depression, etc.)
a) weight loss
b) hair loss
c) unusual illness
d) consistent lack of sleep
e) depression
f) anxiety
8. How often did you think about your deployed s/o?
9. How often did you think about yourself?
10. Was it difficult (emotionally) to maintain your daily life as you had before the deployment? Why or why not?
11. What word would you choose to express your emotional state for the duration of your first deployment experience?
12. What was your greatest fear during that time?
13. How did the deployment affect your relationship with your significant other?
14. With friends and family?
15. Did you think you might be able to use professional help during the deployment (such as therapy)?
16. Did you seek therapy?
17. If you answered yes, did the therapy help?
18. Did you take anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication to help you through your first deployment experience?
19. What was your greatest source of support during the deployment?
20. What, if anything, would you most want people to understand about the deployment experience of those left at home?
21. How old are you?
22. (this is a new question, added July 2) Do you think the show "Army Wives" accurately depicts the deployment/military spouse experience?
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer these questions. Again, I don't need names, so the blog has been set up to accept anonymous posts.
I appreciate your help,
Kristen Tsetsi
Saturday, June 30, 2007
The Questions
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44 comments:
1. Female
2. Iraq
3. lover
4. yes and no - I needed something, but I've never really been one to seek emotional support
5. no
6. n/a
7. weight loss, hair loss, lack of sleep, depression, anxiety
8. constantly
9. rarely
10. Yes and no - I did fine, but felt like I was outside of myself.
11. disconnected
12. that he would die
13. made us closer
14. no difference
15. probably
16. no - see number four
17. n/a
18. no
19. my deployed s/o
20. that it's more complicated than they think
21. 33
1. female
2. first deployment no (was back in 1985-86); last deployment Iraq
3. spouse
4. I've always had my own "support system" of friends and family
5. no
6. it was nice just to have someone to talk to
7.
a) weight loss - no
b) hair loss - no
c) unusual illness - pnuemonia
d) consistent lack of sleep - due to fibromyalgia
e) depression - no
f) anxiety - no
8. throughout the day
9. I'm usually last after I know my spouse and kids are taken care of, then I think of me
10. It was not difficult to continue our lives. We just kept doing things as before. Yes, we all had a few more jobs to take on in my husband's absense but it wasn't overwhelming.
11. First deployment stressed figuring out everything, Iraq deployment stressed with an upcoming move and retirement.
12. That he would not come home alive.
13. If anything, we got stronger as a couple.
14. Pretty much the same, except I would vent to my mom on things I'd normally talk over with my husband.
15. No
16. No
17. n/a
18. Never have.
19. My kids and my mom.
20. While we need help at times, sometimes we need some "alone time" so don't smother us.
21. 43
1.female
2. first deployment was to Washington D.C., during 9/11's 1st anniversary
3. spouce
4. I had a few good friends in my husband's company that were my support system, some of my family were also my support system
5. I wasn't looking for their support.. we just supported each other
6. it was nice to have someone at the same 'level' as me, they knew exactly what I was going threw
7.
a) weight loss ~ yes
b) hair loss ~ no
c) unusual illness ~ no
d) consistent lack of sleep ~ yes
e) depression ~ no
f) anxiety ~ no
8. just about every minute of every day
9. I had kids at home, so it wasn't often
10. in a way, we had just moved to a new post & we were new to the military.. so it was a little emotionally hard at first
11. stressed
12. how was I going to make it threw the deployment without my 'sidekick'
13. made us closer
14. it differed with each person
15. I knew it was available but didn't need it
16. no
17. n/a
18. no
19. my husband
20. how stressful it can be.. the kids acting up, no alone time, worrying about your s/o, pregnant with a baby (even if it's your 3rd or 4th), bills, the miltitary messing up your pay, etc
21. 34
1. Are you male or female? Female
2. In your first deployment experience, where was (or is) your spouse/lover deployed? Iraq or Afghanistan? Iraq
3. Was the person deployed your spouse or your lover? Spouse
4. Did you feel the need for emotional support during the deployment? If the deployed was not your spouse but your lover, did you feel adequate support was still available to you? Yes, I despertaly felt the need for emotional support. It's been really hard.
5. Did you seek support from spouse groups during the deployment? I have fellow spouses from the same squadron here helping me through this. The spouses of the deployed in my husbands squadron have formed a group.
6. Did the support improve your emotional state? If yes, in what way? If no, why do you think it didn't work? It has in a way. I love knowing I have women in the same position as me.. and one being a close friend. But on the other hand, most of the women have children and are much busier than I.. it makes it hard to relate.
7. Did you experience any of the following during the deployment? (Please only answer yes if the symptoms occurred regularly or consistently - we almost all have brief periods of weight loss, depression, etc.) Yes. Definitely have slight depression/anxiety. Some days are better than others. As far as weight loss, I do.. but not sure if its all because of working out.. I'm pretty sure its also the stress thats helping the loss. As well as illness'.. but that goes in hand with the anxiety/depression.
a) weight loss
b) hair loss
c) unusual illness
d) consistent lack of sleep
e) depression
f) anxiety
8. How often did you think about your deployed s/o? ALL THE TIME!! He's on my mind every waking moment.
9. How often did you think about yourself? I rarely do.. my minds mostly focused on his well being and sending out care packages.
10. Was it difficult (emotionally) to maintain your daily life as you had before the deployment? Why or why not? Yes and no. I find it difficult when I do things that we used to do.. making dinner, watching tv, sleeping. But when it comes to my friends and the gym.. I did those more on my own so it's not SO bad.
11. What word you would choose to express your emotional state for the duration of your first deployment experience? Um, touchy. I guess. Meaning I'm just very sensitive.. always on edge. I can't seem to relax with him gone.
12. What was your greatest fear during that time? Im constantly scared he wont return home. He's my life, and I'd die if I never got to see his face again.
13. How did the deployment affect your relationship with your significant other? He and I are stronger than ever.. we can't wait to see each other!!
14. With friends and family? Friends, I've also spent time with family too. But I'm still in our house.. which in a way is making it harder and easier. Easier cause I'm in my own space but harder cause he's not here with me.
15. Did you think you might be able to use professional help during the deployment (such as therapy)? I have thought about it a couple times. Things have gotten to me a little too much and rather not have any big melt downs while he's gone.
16. Did you seek therapy? Not so far. Heh.
17. If you answered yes, did the therapy help? N/A
18. Did you take anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication to help you through your first deployment experience? I want to because I think it would help.. but because of a current medical problem.. I can't.
19. What was your greatest source of support during the deployment? My best friend. My husband and I have been there for each other though.. he's helped me a lot. When he calls me he can put me to ease like no other. He's the greatest.
20. What, if anything, would you most want people to understand about the deployment experience of those left at home? I would say to make sure you communicate with friends/family and your s/o. Make sure you don't hold things in.. it makes it harder.
21. How old are you? 18
1. Female
2. Iraq
3.spouse
4.I was usually the one who was there to give the emotional support, it made things easier for me , and was a distraction to my own feelings.
5. At that time I was very involved in our FRG. I really didn't have to seek support, it was already there.
I had also joined MSSN 2 months prior to the deployment.
6.Of course it did. I was with a bunch of other women who were going through the same thing I was. I think when your not alone in something like a deployment makes a hugh difference in how you deal with it.
7.
a) weight loss- NO(I wish)
b) hair loss-NO
c) unusual illness-NO
d) consistent lack of sleep-YES
e) depression-NO
f) anxiety-Sometimes
8.All the time
9.Mom of 5 and a deployed spouse means no time to think about myself.
10. Sometimes...Things just are not the same when your spouse is gone... I just missed him and our "normal life". Then I had to deal with the kids emotions also...
11.STRESSED
12.He would be killed
13.Brought us closer togeather. Made us appreciate eachother more.
14. No difference
15.Didn't need it
16.NO
17n/a
18.NO
19.FRG and MSSN
20. Even if I told them(non-military) how it really is they couldn't understand until they have experienced it themselves.
We are a different kind of breed, and not just anyone can do what we do as military spouses. What I really want them to know is.... We hate to be asked "How do you do it". We do it because we have no choice. I love and support my husband. I have don't this twice now, and would do it 10 more times if I had to.
21.38
1. Are you male or female?Female
2. In your first deployment experience, where was (or is) your spouse/lover deployed? Iraq or Afghanistan?Iraq
3. Was the person deployed your spouse or your lover?spouce
4. Did you feel the need for emotional support during the deployment? If the deployed was not your spouse but your lover, did you feel adequate support was still available to you?I did not need emotional support and support was available if needed
5. Did you seek support from spouse groups during the deployment?no
6. Did the support improve your emotional state? If yes, in what way? If no, why do you think it didn't work?I didn't go to support groups
7. Did you experience any of the following during the deployment? (Please only answer yes if the symptoms occurred regularly or consistently - we almost all have brief periods of weight loss, depression, etc.)
a) weight loss-no
b) hair loss-no
c) unusual illness-mp
d) consistent lack of sleep-yes
e) depression-no
f) anxiety-yes
8. How often did you think about your deployed s/o?every second of the day and night
9. How often did you think about yourself?not very often I have children to take care of and a husband to worry about
10. Was it difficult (emotionally) to maintain your daily life as you had before the deployment? Why or why not? no I did everything that needed to be done, my husband counted on me to do the things he normally would do and I was able to do it and still am. I have to stay strong for my husband and children so doing normal daily things werent any different.
11. What word you would choose to express your emotional state for the duration of your first deployment experience? sad
12. What was your greatest fear during that time?my husband not returning home alive
13. How did the deployment affect your relationship with your significant other?we are closer
14. With friends and family?no different
15. Did you think you might be able to use professional help during the deployment (such as therapy)?no
16. Did you seek therapy?no
17. If you answered yes, did the therapy help?
18. Did you take anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication to help you through your first deployment experience?no
19. What was your greatest source of support during the deployment?my parents and my husband supporting me and me supporting him
20. What, if anything, would you most want people to understand about the deployment experience of those left at home? Just to support our troops! Even if you don't agree with the war you should support our troops!
21. How old are you?27
TWENTY-ONE QUESTIONS
1. female
2. Iraq
3. spouse
4. there was a need but not any realistic help/support except through my church which was comprised of the military community
5. Originally, I tried the FRG
6. It did NOT work. The FRG was horrible.
7. Did you experience any of the following during the deployment? (Please only answer yes if the symptoms occurred regularly or consistently - we almost all have brief periods of weight loss, depression, etc.)
a) no, I was pregnant!
b) no
c) no
d) the entire year
e) no
f) of course, my husband was in the middle of a war!
8. every minute
9. very little
10. Yes. It's difficult to maintain friendships with people who don't understand what you are going through and family members don't know how or don't care how to help. It's easier to be alone.
11. reserved...I stayed to myself
12. my husband not coming home
13. We grew closer. Our relationship is 100 times better because of it.
14. Most of them didn't understand and still don't
15. No
16. No
17. N/A
18. No
19. The Lord and my church family
20. Just because we make it look easy on the outside, doesn't mean it is. It is undescribable how hard it is.
21. 29
1. Female
2. Afghanistan
3. Spouse
4. Outside of friends and family, no for the most part. I did seek out a forum of military spouses that could relate and help as we do not have a FRG.
5. Beyond the online group, no.
6. The support from the site did improve my emotional state bc it let me know that I was not alone and others could relate and help in difficult times.
7. no
8. I think about him all the time. The emotions of worrying and missing him do tend to dominate my thoughts.
9. I have made it a priority to think about myself. To stay focused on keeping myself healthy through smart eating and lots of exercise.
10. It was difficult to maintain my daily life in the begininng, probably the first two months. I realized that I needed to chang that and I did. From about the third month on, I have developed a routine and a sense of a normal day to day exsistence.
11. Manic
12. Loss or injury of my husband
13. It has made us stronger because it has forced us to communicate and be more responsible to one another emotionally.
14. More distant. They do not understand the emotions that I go through on a daily basis, nor do they try to understand. I tryed to communicate things to them in the begininng, but they all seemed really unintersted so i do not talk to them much about anything anymore. I feel hurt that not one person stepped up in my life to be there to listen to me.
15. no
16. no
17. n/a
18.no
19. My husband. He was there as much as he could be. Myself as well.
20. More support is needed for the spouses left at home. It has not been easy not having friends or family there consistently, and not knowing where to go for that support that I need. Sending your spouse into a combat zone and being faced with the better than average possibility chance of them being injured or killed is not something easy on the emotional well being. Definitely more support from friends family and our communities.
21. 26 years old
TWENTY-ONE QUESTIONS
1. Are you male or female?
Female
2. In your first deployment experience, where was (or is) your spouse/lover deployed? Iraq or Afghanistan? Iraq
3. Was the person deployed your spouse or your lover? spouse
4. Did you feel the need for emotional support during the deployment? If the deployed was not your spouse but your lover, did you feel adequate support was still available to you? Well during a deployment you definitely don't get physical intimacy, nor that physical support (i.e. hugging, holding etc) so the only thing you hold onto is that emotional intimate attachment. We are told that communication between you and your spouse should be light due to the fact that you don't want to interfere with the mission, but I feel that the spouse deployed should at least give some emotional support- during our first deployment I started to dread his calls b/c they were only about "i need this" or "can you send this" which yes is important, but there were times I just needed to hear "baby, how are you holding up". We almost didn't make it due to this, but we got through it and we have discussed such issues and hopefully with the upcoming deployment it will be different
5. Did you seek support from spouse groups during the deployment? yes, I was an avid FRG member
6. Did the support improve your emotional state? If yes, in what way? If no, why do you think it didn't work? No -- my husband was in the reserves and most of the wives were in their 40's while I had just turned 20 and I just married my soldier - so while it was nice to just be around other wives from the unit, I didn't really relate to any of them
7. Did you experience any of the following during the deployment? (Please only answer yes if the symptoms occurred regularly or consistently - we almost all have brief periods of weight loss, depression, etc.)
a) weight loss
b) hair loss
c) unusual illness (yes)
d) consistent lack of sleepyes
e) depression yes
f) anxiety yes
8. How often did you think about your deployed s/o? all the time, I kept my cell phone by me at all times (bed, shower, movies, family outings, etc) as well as keeping messenger on and at the highest level - sometimes sleeping in the computer room
9. How often did you think about yourself? sometimes - I think mentally you have to get yourself out of deployment status for a while otherwise it will consume you and when your SO comes home and the homecoming doesn't go according to the way you thought, I feel you can almost resent your soldier b/c you consumed all of yourself into this deployment with looking foward to a certain homecoming situation and when it doesn't happen then you think "I never put me first anywhere"
10. Was it difficult (emotionally) to maintain your daily life as you had before the deployment? Why or why not? yes - espescially with my husband being reserves and the wives being so scattered - so I was constantly around the civilian side and hearing people complain about their SO being gone for a weekend or a couple days just drove me insane - plus I wouldn't go into buildings where I had no cell phone reception in fear of missing a call and most of my friends just didn't understand that
11. What word you would choose to express your emotional state for the duration of your first deployment experience? numb
12. What was your greatest fear during that time? I think my greatest fear during that time was him not coming home - but more towards the end was the fear that when he got home would we even be compatible and still love each other just as much as before
13. How did the deployment affect your relationship with your significant other? well we almost divorced - I started to resent him b/c I heard about all the down time they did have and how other soldiers did call their wives and I barely got a call during that time plus I had asked him to just write me letters and I only got 2 during the deployment - but like I said before - we got counseling and we talked (ALOT) and we have discussed the routes we are taking with this next deployment to avoid (as much as possible) those issues
14. With friends and family?
well I definitely found out who my friends were- some didn't even come around b/c they thought I would just cry and cry and they didn't want to deal with it - I also dealt with the "friends" and I use that term lightly- that thought they could do a political debate with me and felt that I would be for the war and everything else b/c of my soldier - I may support my soldier 110% but that doesn't mean I want him to go off to war and support the reasons as to why we were over there in the first place - - - It definitely brought me closer to my family b/c that was all I had
15. Did you think you might be able to use professional help during the deployment (such as therapy)? I think it would be beneficial - just to talk to someone who isn't fed up of hearing it b/c all too much the people you are around either don't understand at all or are going through it as well and well - most times they don't want to listen b/c that means they have to face their situation and anxiety as well
16. Did you seek therapy? afterwards, yes
17. If you answered yes, did the therapy help? it saved my marriage
18. Did you take anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication to help you through your first deployment experience? I was prescribed sleeping pills but only used them the week after he left from R&R which was the harder of the 2 goodbyes in my opinion
19. What was your greatest source of support during the deployment? army wife groups I found online
20. What, if anything, would you most want people to understand about the deployment experience of those left at home? that just because we are home doesn't mean our life isn't hard - Not only do we have to support our soldiers but we are left here in this world where we don't have a "mission" to keep us occupied. Instead we are at home where there is a constant reminder of our spouse/lover at every corner- there is an empty spot in bed that when he is gone feels like its the coldest part of the house- as well as dealing with the constant reminders of him being gone when we do leave the house b/c we have to deal with the constant questions from everyone as well as the news channels airing every day "2 soldiers killed" when you are praying that one of those soldiers isn't yours but then your heart drops b/c you know some wife across the country is having her world close in on her and so its a lose/lose situation.... a deployment doesn't just take one person with it overseas ...it affects everyone who is close to that soldier but the person that is most affected is the wife and girlfriend who instead of just taking that soldier- they took our world with them
21. How old are you? 24 ... was 20 when he left
TWENTY-ONE QUESTIONS
1. Are you male or female?
female
2. In your first deployment experience, where was (or is) your spouse/lover deployed? Iraq or Afghanistan?
Iraq
3. Was the person deployed your spouse or your lover?
my spouse
4. Did you feel the need for emotional support during the deployment? If the deployed was not your spouse but your lover, did you feel adequate support was still available to you?
there was a definite need for emotional support
5. Did you seek support from spouse groups during the deployment?
on some levels yes, but i went home when he deployed so i also had our families to lean on
6. Did the support improve your emotional state? If yes, in what way? If no, why do you think it didn't work?
again, in some ways yes, but since i wasnt in the same state as the spouse groups, it was hard to feel that my friends and family really understood what i was going through
7. Did you experience any of the following during the deployment? (Please only answer yes if the symptoms occurred regularly or consistently - we almost all have brief periods of weight loss, depression, etc.)
a) weight loss - somewhat
b) hair loss - no
c) unusual illness - no
d) consistent lack of sleep - yes
e) depression - yes
f) anxiety - every day
8. How often did you think about your deployed s/o?
every single minute really - everything i did i thought about how much better it would be with him there
9. How often did you think about yourself?
i was forced to think about myself because i had a 5 month old and i needed to keep up my strength since i was nursing
10. Was it difficult (emotionally) to maintain your daily life as you had before the deployment? Why or why not?
yes - i discovered that i relied on my hubby for so much that it took me nearly 3 months to learn how to do things on my own and without the friends i had become so close to up here
11. What word you would choose to express your emotional state for the duration of your first deployment experience?
spastic
12. What was your greatest fear during that time?
that my husband would not come home and my babies would be without their daddy
13. How did the deployment affect your relationship with your significant other?
we had our issues upon redeployment, but after those were worked out, we are closer than ever
14. With friends and family?
as far as friends are concerned, we really dont have many that arent military, so they do understand. family - well, sometimes they still dont understand the anxiety
15. Did you think you might be able to use professional help during the deployment (such as therapy)?
not in particular
16. Did you seek therapy?
no
17. If you answered yes, did the therapy help?
n/a
18. Did you take anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication to help you through your first deployment experience?
no
19. What was your greatest source of support during the deployment?
my parents
20. What, if anything, would you most want people to understand about the deployment experience of those left at home?
We are not always as strong on the outside as we may make it seem. It is not the same for you whose husbands or wives go on 3 day business trips without the fear of being killed by a sniper or blown up by an IED. Those who say that they understand what we are going through because their spouse is in a different state on a business trip have no idea what its like to sit at home and wonder if today will be the day that you get the call that will change your life forever. While we appreciate the sentiments, simply be there for us. Do not try to compare your separations with ours, they are simply not the same.
21. How old are you?
25
1. Female
2. He is in Iraq now
3. Lover
4. Sometimes but not one to admitt it
5. Just thru myspace...talked w/ a lot of wives and g/f's
6. Yes and No, sometimes you get depressed so you want more answers but in the end you just end up more confused then when you started
7. A,C,D and E
8. He was always in the back of my mind no matter what. Its like your favorite radio station, you always try to see what is on the other stations but you always come back to your station!
9.Betweeen work and him....not that often
10. Of course it was and still is but I think I am getting better
11. An Illness-you have good days and you have bad days
12. He is on the front line....so of course the obvsious
13. I dont ever bring anything up about how I am feeling because he is looking to me when he calls for that little bit of happiness. Because of that I dont ever give us the chance to fight...I actually think it is bringing us closer!!
14. They have all been very supportive no matter what. They tell me all the time though to be carefull
15. No, not at this point
16. No
17. n/a
18. I almost went on them but then just started talking my way thru the really tuff times...I dont think im there yet
19. Honestly...Myspace and Friends. Met some amazing people thru myspace who are going thru the same thing.
20.You truelly do not understand until you have gone thru it yourself. I know I was the same way. I thought heck I can do it what is the big deal...yeah you love them and they are in harms way, its just something people will never know until they are there!!!
21. 25
1. Female
2. My first deployment experience, he was sent to Kosovo, but I'll answer this survey about his first tour in Iraq.
3. Spouse
4. There was a need.
5. I sought out my FRG, but was greatly disappointed.
6. No. The FRG was extremely cliqueish and I as new on post. Also, the unrealistic expectations of the other spouses, coupled with their blatant ignorance of the military did nothing but irritate me.
7. Consistent lack of sleep — I had a terrible time sleeping during that first tour in Iraq.
8. Almost every minute of every day
9. I made sure to think of myself, too. My kids always came first, but I made it a point to take care of me, too.
10. It wasn't always easy, but I refused to put my life on hold because he was gone. I watched many spouses sit at home and wallow in self-pity, watching the phone... they were terrified to leave there homes, in fear that they might miss a phone call. I never thought that was healthy, so I tried to maintain a "normal" life.
11. Tenous
12. That knock on the door that every military spouse fears. Every time someone knocked on my front door, I would nearly panic. My heart would speed up, my stomach would clench and my breath would shorten - even when I was expecting someone.
13. Living separately for a year (or more) and having VERY different experiences can be hard on a relationship. One of the hardest things is keeping each other involved in your lives... sharing stories and keeping the lines of communication open. The deployment also made us more appreciative of the time we do spend together.
14. I was 800 miles from home with two babies in diapers and we had been on post for 28 days when he left. I had little of either around me for it to effect. My friends and family back home were wonderful.
15. I was aware it was available
16. Not the first time, but I did the second time he went to Iraq
17. N/A
18. No, but it was offered and it was very common for spouses to be on medication.
19. My spirituality.
20. It is not a romantic experience like our culture seems to think - it's not like an old World War II movie. It is stressful, exhausting and very real.
21. 30
TWENTY-ONE QUESTIONS
1. Are you male or female? FEMALE
2. In your first deployment experience, where was (or is) your spouse/lover deployed? Iraq or Afghanistan? IRAQ
3. Was the person deployed your spouse or your lover? MY FUTURE HUSBAND
4. Did you feel the need for emotional support during the deployment? If the deployed was not your spouse but your lover, did you feel adequate support was still available to you? YES, I NEED EMOTIONAL SUPPORT, AND WHILE NATE CANNOT GIVE ME THE CONSTANT SUPPORT THAT I NEED, I HAVE FOUND FRIENDS AT MSSN TO GIVE ME SUPPORT
5. Did you seek support from spouse groups during the deployment? YES
6. Did the support improve your emotional state? If yes, in what way? If no, why do you think it didn't work? YES AND NO, IT HELPS IN THAT I HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO THAT UNDERSTANDS WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH BUT IT DOESN'T HELP IN THAT THEY CAN'T TAKE THE PAIN AWAY
7. Did you experience any of the following during the deployment? (Please only answer yes if the symptoms occurred regularly or consistently - we almost all have brief periods of weight loss, depression, etc.)
a) weight loss NO...ACTUALLY WEIGHT GAIN
b) hair loss YES
c) unusual illness YES
d) consistent lack of sleep YES
e) depression YES
f) anxiety YES
8. How often did you think about your deployed s/o? ALMOST ALL THE TIME...I EVEN DREAM ABOUT HIM CONSTANTLY
9. How often did you think about yourself? MORE OFTEN I WAS TRYING TO THINK WHAT I COULD DO THAT WOULD MAKE NATE HAPPY WHILE HE WAS AWAY THAN WHAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY
10. Was it difficult (emotionally) to maintain your daily life as you had before the deployment? Why or why not? IN THE BEGINNING NO BECAUSE I WAS IN COLLEGE SO I HAD CLASSES THAT I HAD TO BE AT...BUT NOW THAT THE SUMMER IS HERE AND I AM NOT IN CLASS I FIND IT HARD TO DO THINGS THE WAY I USED TO
11. What word you would choose to express your emotional state for the duration of your first deployment experience? DEPRESSED
12. What was your greatest fear during that time? I FEAR HE IS GOING TO COME HOME IN SEPTEMBER AND SAY HE DOESN'T LOVE ME
13. How did the deployment affect your relationship with your significant other? I HAVE DONE A LOT OF THINGS TO RUIN OUR RELATIONSHIP (NOT MEANING TO) AND SO WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH ROUGH PATCHES AND SMOOTH ONES
14. With friends and family? I AM VERY IRRITABLE TO THE POINT PEOPLE DON'T CARE TO BE AROUND ME MUCH ANYMORE
15. Did you think you might be able to use professional help during the deployment (such as therapy)? YES
16. Did you seek therapy? YES
17. If you answered yes, did the therapy help? I START ON TUESDAY
18. Did you take anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication to help you through your first deployment experience? YES
19. What was your greatest source of support during the deployment? TWO AMAZING FRIENDS...SHARON (FROM MSSN) AND ASHLEY (A GIRL I GREW UP WITH WHO SET NATE AND I UP TOGETHER)
20. What, if anything, would you most want people to understand about the deployment experience of those left at home? ITS NOT EASY JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE FRIENDS TO LEAN ON...ITS STILL REALLY HARD AND PEOPLE NEED TO BE MORE SYMPATHETIC TO IT AND NEED TO REALIZE THAT UNLESS YOU'VE BEEN THERE, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH...AND THE BIGGEST ONE...THE THOUGHT "JUST BREATHE" IS SERIOUSLY STUPID AND NEEDS TO BE ERRADICATED FROM PEOPLE'S PHRASE BOOKS
21. How old are you? 19
TWENTY-ONE QUESTIONS
1. Are you male or female?
Female.
2. In your first deployment experience, where was (or is) your spouse/lover deployed? Iraq or Afghanistan?
Afghanistan.
3. Was the person deployed your spouse or your lover?
Spouse.
4. Did you feel the need for emotional support during the deployment? If the deployed was not your spouse but your lover, did you feel adequate support was still available to you?
Yes, I did.
5. Did you seek support from spouse groups during the deployment?
Occassionally. I went to my friends and family first.
6. Did the support improve your emotional state? If yes, in what way? If no, why do you think it didn't work?
Yes. They put everything in perspective for me which helped me open my eyes and told me to just take it day by day.
7. Did you experience any of the following during the deployment? (Please only answer yes if the symptoms occurred regularly or consistently - we almost all have brief periods of weight loss, depression, etc.)
a) weight loss - No
b) hair loss - No
c) unusual illness - No
d) consistent lack of sleep - Yes
e) depression - No
f) anxiety - No
8. How often did you think about your deployed s/o?
It felt like every minute I was thinking about him.
9. How often did you think about yourself?
Every minute I'm not thinking about my s/o.
10. Was it difficult (emotionally) to maintain your daily life as you had before the deployment? Why or why not?
Yes. Before I was all happy and chipper and loved the "military" and then when he left, I blamed the "military" for everything. I had nothing to be happy about. I'd be spending the next 6 months alone.
11. What word you would choose to express your emotional state for the duration of your first deployment experience?
Anxioius. I didn't get anxiety but I was very anxious for this to all be over and for them to be home.
12. What was your greatest fear during that time?
My mom would call me everytime she heard something on the news about over there and it freaked me out. That is one reason as to why we didn't have cable until the other day.
13. How did the deployment affect your relationship with your significant other?
I feel it has made our relationship stronger. (He isn't home yet but he will be today!)
14. With friends and family?
Have you ever heard that song "Find out who your friends are?" Well, in my case, I've found out who my friends are during this deployment. I lost a friendship during it because she was one who really couldn't take the time to want to understand the difference between a Military Wife missing their s/o and a Civilian missing their s/o. As for my family, I feel it's made us closer. They look at me differently because I stood behind my husband and supported him while he was away to a war zone.
15. Did you think you might be able to use professional help during the deployment (such as therapy)?
No.
16. Did you seek therapy?
No.
17. If you answered yes, did the therapy help?
N/A
18. Did you take anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication to help you through your first deployment experience?
No.
19. What was your greatest source of support during the deployment?
I would have to say our Ombudsman. She's not a "normal" one. At first you think she's knows it all and everything but when you really get to know her, she's just like you or I. I mean, she is going through the same deployment we are but she's there to help. She helped me A LOT and I don't know how to thank her enough. She's not only my Ombudsman, she's my friend.
20. What, if anything, would you most want people to understand about the deployment experience of those left at home?
To not get so worked up about it. Take it day by day. My husband and I were only married for 2 months when he left so it felt like he was just taken away, ya know? We've now been married for almost 8 months. Our first year of marriage is almost over and we've spent none of it together. It's hard to think about that but you've just got to realize what they are doing is important. It sucks being the one left at home but when you hear about all the great things they did, I feel it's worth it. Then you get to have your honeymoon all over again! Well, in my case, I guess this will be our honeymoon since we never had one.
21. How old are you?
I am 20 year young.
TWENTY-ONE QUESTIONS
1. Female
2. Iraq
3. My Spouse
4. Yes
5. Yes
6. No b/c i constantly worry and that kind of support to me doesn't match up to any kind of worry i have. It is a relief to know that there are people around me who will be there to help me and to let me know that they understand and care.
7. a)yes
b)yes
c)yes
d)yes
e)yes
f)yes
8. all the time. my husband is constantly on my mind. 24/7
9. i can honestly say none at all. i will not allow myself to become selfish when we have 3 boys who need me to be strong and to be there for them.
10. we have not reached that point yet. my husband is still deployed.
11. STRESSFUL
12. That i will come home from town or work and find someone waiting for me to tell me something has happend to my husband or to get a call saying something has happend.
13. as of right now it hasn't affected it at all but he hasn't come back home yet, so i don't know.
14. It has made me somewhat bitter at alot of my friends b/c i see them and their loved ones taking so much for granted and it makes me so mad. They should learn to cherish every moment that they have together.
15. NO...The reason i believe that is b/c some people don't have a clue what you are going through. I believe that you can't find help from someone who hasn't had any life or personal experiences like what you are going through. They just rattle on and on about you need to do this and you need to do that but what you really want to say to them is 'you know what how about you go and spend a year to a year and a half away from the one you love and then see what you say.'
16. no
17. no
18. no i have my kids to help keep me sane and distracted from alot of the worries.
19. my husbands mom. she is also a military spouse or rather was but she understands and knows what i am going through and i can just call one her and she will help me and talk to me. She understands.
20. that life is not as easy as people tend to think without their loved ones at home. People complain and say well that ain't hard. i know i can do it. well i say that if they can handle the stress and the panic attacks and the anxiety of not knowing then you go right ahead and show us how its done. If not grow some backbone and show some respect to the ones who are noy only serving overseas but also to the ones who are serving here at home.
21. I am 21
TWENTY-ONE QUESTIONS
1. Female
2. Afghanistan
3. Spouse
4. I did feel the need
5. None available to me
6. n/a
7.
a) yes
b) no
c) no
d) yes
e) yes
f) yes
8. everyday
9. Not often, it was just feeling sorry for myself.
10. At first, it was, and each day that went by it got a little easier.
11. rollercoaster
12. That he wouldn't want to come home to me.
13. He is now my ex-husband
14. stronger with my friends and family
15. yes
16. yes
17. yes
18. no
19. My Family
20. Some days, I believe it is harder to be the one left behind than the one who has to leave.
21. 23
1. Female
2. Navy, so deployed on the ship in support of war in Iraq
3. Spouse
4. Yes
5. I did through searching online where I found the support group MSSN
6. YES! In fact, I believe it is part of what got me through. Finally, I found a place where other spouses could relate to what I was feeling. My family never seemed to understand what I was going through so it was nice to talk with others that could help me understand what I was feeling.
7.
a) weight loss- yes
b) hair loss-no
c) unusual illness-no
d) consistent lack of sleep-yes
e) depression-no
f) anxiety-yes
8. It felt like every second of everyday.
9. Not as often as I probably should have
10. Yes. I found that I was extra sensitive to things around me. For example, anyone talking about the war, saying anything about the military, even as simple as seeing other couples together.I would get very irritated when I would hear people complaining about stupid things.I worked at a salon as a receptionist and Id get complaints about silly, insignificant thing. All I could ever think was "My husband is at war and you are complaining about how someone messed up your hair appt time??" I could cry at the drop of the hat for no reason.
11. Lost-- I had days where time seemed to stand still
12. That something would happen to him
13. It was difficult for us to reconnect and feel the same way we did before he left. We had both grown apart a little bit in some ways...we had been living separate lives for so long, sometimes its hard to get back into your routine before the deployment
14. It made me realize alot about my family and friends that I hadn't noticed before. No one ever understood the emotions I was going though and I have learned that many of them take being together everyday for granted.
15. There were times, yes....
16. No
17. n/a
18. No
19. My MSSN online support group and getting closer with some of the other wives here on base. We helped each other get through.
20. That even though " I knew what I was getting into when I married him" its still hard, and I still have a right to complain, cry, and be sad. That when I tell you my husband is deployed, you don't give me a speech on what you think about the war. Sometimes all I need is someone to give me a hug and ask if I need anything. People would tend to just ignore me because they did not know what to say to me ever. That I am not looking for people to feel sorry for me. Finally, being a spouse of a deployed military man is not the same as you spending a few weeks away from your S/O. Its not as easy as some that haven't been through it may think.
21. 24
1. Female
2. Iraq
3. Spouse
4. Yes
5. No
6. Yes, it reminded me that I am not alone and that people were thinking about me and praying for me.
7.Yes, depression & Anxiety
8. every minute
9. every day
10. No it was not difficult because I saw it as a wonderful opportunity to take a good look at myself and do some soul searching.
11. rollercoaster
12. That my spouse would stop loving me or decide he did not want to be married to me anymore.
13. I would have to say it has improved our relationship
14. i feel a little more distance from them.
15. already utilizing professional help. yes.
16. yes
17. yes tremendously
18. yes
19. God and his angels
20. i wouldnt even know how to explain to someone who has not been there. All i could say is that if you have not been there you just dont know.
21. 29
1. Female
2. The first time, he was deployed to Iraq.
3. He was (and is! haha) my spouse.
4. During the first deployment, I absolutely felt the need for some sort of support. I was young (19), just had given birth to our twins and was all alone for the first time in my life. The only one I had relied on had left and I felt so incredibly by myself.
5. I initially attempted to get support from the FRG, but when the deployment began, I was left with a really foul taste in my mouth. The wives were catty, gossipy and very clic-ish (if that's a word). They would start rumors about the deployment and being as naive as I was, I would believe them. Things like "This war is going to be so short, the guys should be home by May... June the latest." The guys had deployed March 2nd. I would get ecstatic thinking these people were the authority on what was going on when really they had no idea and were just trying to pass the time. I was disappointed several times by the FRG and eventually gave up. During the end of the deployment, we actually got together and voted to disband it as it was so bad, no one wanted to be a part of it anymore.
6. Unfortunately, no. At least not from the FRG. I did seek support from groups online and those did help a fair amount. It wasn't like face to face interaction, but it was nice to know someone else was going through what I was and that I wasn't alone.
7.
A) No. In fact, I experienced quite the opposite -- a 50lb weight gain in under 3 months!
B) Yes, quite a bit.
C) I don't think so.
D) Yes.
E) Yes, majorly.
F) YES! I was in a constant state of terror - always sure that next phone call would be with news of an injury, the next knock on the door was a man in uniform to tell me my husband wasn't coming home.
8. Pretty much every second of the day. I couldn't not think about him. I convinced myself that if I didn't think about him, didn't worry about him, didn't think the worst that something really bad would happen and sneak up on me when I wasn't paying attention. I was a mess.
9. Never?
10. Difficult? Normal basically flew out the window the day I dropped him off. I cried all the time, I was always on edge, I didn't clean, I barely ate (please explain how I gained all that weight! lol), I rarely left the house because I was too scared I would miss a phone call or an e-mail. EVERY aspect of my life revolved around my husband, the deployment and waiting to speak to him again.
11. Hopeless
12. My greatest fear was losing my husband, my best friend, the greatest person I'd ever known. My greatest fear was that he wouldn't come home.
13. In a lot of ways, we actually benefited from the deployment as a couple. At the time of our marriage, we were both very young. We were very much in love, but hadn't yet matured enough to really love one another through all our annoying habits and traits. We would argue over petty things and it wore on us -- all this leading up to the deployment. After the deployment, all of that stuff just seemed to not matter. We realized how in love we were with one another and that we could make it through anything together. We realized how strong we'd made eachother and how good we were together. We both recognized the value of time and life and never took eachother for granted again.
14. I started to resent my family for not calling more, e-mailing my husband more, caring more as it felt like the entire country already didn't care, how could our families not??
15. Yes, I'm pretty sure I should have had some sort of therapy (including medication) during the first deployment.
16. No. I was too scared the Army would take away my children.
17. N/A
18. Should have, but no I did not.
19. God
20. It's rough. It's so much harder than anyone can ever imagine. I've seen stories written that attempt to put into words what it's like, but unless you experience it first hand, you will never know what it's like. I also think that while shows like 'Over There' and 'Army Wives' are entertaining, they are usually not accurate. The public should try and make themselves more aware of what's going on, not only with the war, but with the Soldiers and their families. Appreciation isn't asked for by anyone who joins, nor by their families, but it would be nice once in a while to see that the public is thankful for all that we do (both Soldiers and families). It seems that unless a civilian is directly affected by Soldiers and their families, they have no reason to show appreciation, support or caring of any kind. I'm tired of seeing "We support the troops" on signs of places trying to bring in more business and not for the simple idea of showing that they care. Yellow ribbons and magnets on cars are a nice thought, but people should realize that does nothing to benefit the Soldiers and their families. Every Soldier you see, should be thanked. If they are with their family, you should turn and thank them, too. I went to a rally for the troops during the first deployment (I didn't support the war in Iraq, I still do not) and I remember very clearly a woman driving by in a car-- she looked directly at me and mouthed the words "THANK YOU." I didn't support that war, but that one lady, that one 'thank you' made me feel like some part of what I was having to deal with and what my husband was having to endure was worth it. Those words have more power for servicemen and women than most imagine. Everytime my husband is stopped and thanked, he gets teary (he's not a teary kind of guy). It really means more than anything else the public can do.
21. 23
1. Female
2. Iraq
3. Spouse
4. Sometimes
5. FRG and MSSN and others
6. yes, mainly from listening to what others were going through.
7. none
8. all the time
9. not as much
10. Working full time and working doing stuff around the house kept me busy. But I did have moments that were tougher than others.
11. Numb (most of the time)
12. My husband would come back as the same man that left. Unfortunately that is true I just didn't know the extent that I would see.
13. At times it seemed like we pushed eachother away because it was easy but we tried to stay in tune with eachother and involved in eachothers separate lives as much as possible.
14. Relationships with my family stayed the same. However his mother and I no longer talk because of things that were said to me and how I was treated like an outsider to "their" family after knowing them for over 5 years before the deployment.
15. never considered it
16. no
17. n/a
18. no
19. my dad and spouses from the unit I became close with
20. We are not fighting in the war however it is hard for us as well to be away from our loved ones. I never once got asked how I was. I it was always how he was. That took a toll on me after about month 10 I really got sick of how is your husband and just felt like I could scream "What about me?" sometimes. I forgot how hard it was to take care of someone that wasn't physically here and completely forgot to take care of myself during that time.
21. 23
1. Female
2.He was in Afghanistan.
3.My spouse.
4.I felt the need for emotional support from my family but not from an FRG or from other spouses.
5.No I didn't.
6.My family support was comforting and helped me feel more secure in a very unsecure situation.
7.
a.) Yes.
b.) No.
c.) No.
d.) No.
e.) Very much so.
f.) Yes, this was the beginning of my anxiety attacks. I had never had them before.
8.I thought about him everyday, several times a day. There were all kinds of things during my day that would make me think of him. Usually the smallest things would trigger a memory.
9.I don't know really.
10.Well, during my first deployment, I was 20 and immature. I think that I was confused on how to deal with my emotions and tried to self medicate which of course, wasn't condusive to maintaining a daily routine.
11.Lost.
12.My greatest fear was of course him dying. My more practical fear? That he would grow away from me and he wouldn't want to be with me when he got home....like he would fall out of love with me or something.
13.It was hard but it taught us to really communicate and in the end it really helped our relationship.
14.With friends and family, it brought me closer.
15.I think it would have been helpful during the first one. Could've helped stop my craziness.
16.I had to go to rehab so I guess that threapy.
17.I think it helped, actually I know it did. I had to look in the mirror and ask myself really hard questions and answer them too.
18.I took both and still do.
19.My family and my best friend.
20.I would want people to understand that we are human and we make mistakes just the same whether our spouses are here or not. That our world keeps moving no matter how much pain we are in but that we don't have the luxury of having our spouse hold and comfort us....we have to hold ourselves.
21. I am 24.
1. female
2. Iraq
3. Spouse
4. Not the first time, but this time, yes.
5. I would, but they aren't close enough (we are in a different state.)
6. N/A
7.
a) weight gain!
c) unusual illness
d) consistent lack of sleep
e) depression
f) anxiety
8. At least 20-30 times a day.
9. Hard to do with 2 babies. Proabably a few times a day.
10. At times, yes, but only because there were times that I needed a break being a married single mom and didn't have that option with him deployed.
11. Anxious.
12. Him not coming back.
13. We were really nice to each other and wanted to do more for each other. Absense makes the heart grow fonder!!
14. Same.
15. OH YES.
16. Yes.
17. Uh, no. Several therapists just told me to deal with it and get over it. They have NO idea.
18. I was on them, but for post partum depression, not deployment. But it may have contributed.
19. Surprisingly, my newborn daughter.
20. It is harder than you would ever imagine. Please don't compare your husband's 3 week business trip to my husband's 12 month deployment to a combat zone. They are in no way similar. If you know of a mom, PLEASE offer to watch her kids if only for an hour so that she can have some peace. Tell her to go get a pedicure. Mow her lawn. Offer yourself as a handiman. Offer to fix her leaking faucet.
21. 28
1. female
2. Iraq
3. spouse
4. I did feel the need for emotional support from those in the same situation
5. not officially
6. talking with friends did help
7. a) yes, but I was trying
b) no
c) stress headaches
d) no
e) some
f) some
8. every minute
9. sometimes
10. yes it was because it felt like my life had been put on hold while he was away and things were not as they should be.
11. alone
12. it would change "us"
13. so far we're ok. i think it has brought us closer since we have to trust each other so much while we are apart
14. more time with family as I moved back home, and i got to re-connect with some old friends
15. probably
16. not yet
17. N/A
18. N/A
19. my husbands family, his father is retired from the army
20. that no one else can possibly understnad the situation if they haven't experienced it for themselves. that we're not feeling sorry for ourselves, but venting. that when we are angry or upset at something it is mainly because there are other things that we can't get angry at.
21. 23
1. female
2. 2nd first korea then iraq
3. spouse
4. yes
5. yes MSSN
6. yes, made me feel less alone
7 yes, anxiety, hair loss, slight depression
8.every sec of the day
9. alot
10. yes had trouble concentrating, and focus on important things.
11. LONELY
12. that something bad would happen to him and that things would be different when he got back
13 The first one made us stronger and the second one i hope the same
14. live with family
15.yes
16. yes the first deployment, 2nd trying to do it on my own
17 yes
18. no
19 MSSN
20. That being a military wife is not easy but that woman married to soldiers are passionate and support our men 100%.
21. 21
1. Female
2. Iraq
3. Spouse
4. I need the emotional support however I have yet to get any response from my KV, but I do have a group of friends who I spend time with whose husbands are deployed also, who have been of great help.
5. I haven't been able to locate one
6. Yes meeting my group of friends about 3 months after my husband deployed I am doing a whole lot better then I was prior to meeting them
7. consistent lack of sleep, anxiety and depression
8. All the time
9. Majority of the time
10. At first it was since I was soo used to him being home but as time has progressed it has gotten a bit easier, although it still feels like part of me is missing with him gone.
11. Sad
12. Something happening to him
13. We have become even closer then we were before
14. I am closer to my family and I have learned who my true friends are.
15. No
16. No
17. N/A
18. Yes but I was on them prior to the deployment
19. My friends, family and my husband even though he is deployed
20. That it is hard to be the one left back here and although we did choose to marry someone in the military it doesnt mean we like or have to be OK with the deployments.
21. 21
1. Female
2. Iraq and now he is over there again for 15 months.
3. Spouse
4. I needed emotional support to make it threw the year but didnt really get much of it.
5. I tried but never found a group that understood what i was going threw.
6. I went threw it myself and it was so hard not to have help.
7.
a)weight loss and gain
b)consistent lack of sleep
c)depression
d)anxiety
8. I thought about him all the time and wearing his dog tags made me so proud of him even though i was missing him so much.
9. Not a lot
10. It was hard becuz we were always together before he left and to not have my other half there was difficult becuz i had nobody to talk to or cry to.
11. Empty because i was missing my other half and no one would make up for that.
12.Losing him but also fearing that we would fall out of love with each other because he didnt call so much.
13. I had an affair becuz i needed the attention so badly, but we relized that we have to keep more in contact and he cant just ignore me like before and now with him gone a second time our relationship is a lot better and the trust is great. We worked to out great and we still love each other as much as we did when we got married.
14. It bought me closer to my aunt and best friend that helped me out threw the deployment.
15. Maybe
16. NO
17. NA
18. I was on meds for some time but i was able to get off them. It was still hard to get threw the year with out them.
19. My aunt and best friend and going to church helped a lot because it gave me peace that i needed to get threw it
20. I want people to understand that being away from your other for only a month is nothing to what we have to go threw. I would like to be thank for being behind my husband and supporting him in this war that i dont support. I have had a few seniors ladies and men thank me for what im doing and it helps to think that maybe some people out there are thinking about the one left behind. Please dont tell us that he will call soon and that it will be okay because it wont be until he is home and safe in our arms. Please remember that the ones left behind have a great deal of things to do even with their husbands gone.
21. 21
1. female
2. Iraq
3. Spouse
4. Yes
5. Yes, online only
6. Yes, in that there were other experiencing te same thing as I -- the same emotions
7. weight loss - yes
anxiety - yes
8. constantly
9. every day
10. not really - having kids to take care of kept me focused on home needs, though i neglected many chores in favor of sitting at my computer
11. anxious
12. harm or death of my husband
13. strengthened it
14. did not affect
15. no
16. no
17. n/a
18. no
19. my husband himself, and then Military.com discussion board
20. stop feeling PITY/SORRY for us and TRULY SUPPORT US AND OUR MEN
21. 41
1. female
2. iraq
3. lover
4. yes. no
5. sorta, online
6. yes because it helped me realize was wasn't alone and there were many others out there going through the same things.
7a. yes 7d. yes 7e. yes 7f. yes
8. all the time
9. a lot less
10. its been a rollercoaster
11. extreme
12. that he will be killed
13. still strong
14. its made me closer to the people I really care about and I've let go of the people who stress me out and drain me that I dont' really need in my life
15. yes
16. no but I would if it were an option (as a spouse in the guture)
17. N/A
18. no
19. my finace, my close friends and my mother
20. its harder than they can ever possibly imagine, not knowing day to day, moment to moment if your loved one is safe or when you will even hear from them or see them again.
21. 29
1. Female
2. Iraq
3. Spouse
4. I did feel the need for emotional support during the deployment when I was by myself at night. As long as I was busy during the day, I was fine, unless he was on a mission and I couldn't talk to him.
5. I did because I was the FRG coordinator for my husband's unit. There was a couple of us that would talk everyday on the phone, plus my mother-in-law was going through the same thing because my father-in-law was over with my husband.
6. I do think it improved my emotional state. I was able to believe that I would be able to come through the deployment.
7. a. no
b. no
c. no
d. yes
e. at times
f. yes
8. All time, literally 24 hours a day.
9. Probably not enough
10. Yes and no. Yes because my husand was not there and no because I was busy all the time.
11. numb
12. Losing my husband
13. It made me really appreciate him and we grew stronger as a couple.
14. I found out who I was and who my friends were.
15. If I needed it, yes.
16. No
17.
18. Yes I did.
19. My husband commander's wife and my mother-in-law
20. That's it tough. We might not be doing what our soldiers are, but it's still tough to get through and that we shouldn't be forgotten about.
21. 27
1.female
2.Iraq
3.spouse
4.I needed the support
5.I was the support group.
6.I needed the support, but i didnt get it.
7.
b) hair loss
c) unusual illness
d) consistent lack of sleep
e) depression
f) anxiety
8. All day every day
9. Very rarely. I did not take care of myself.
10. It was very hard but I had no choice.
11. Emotional
12. That he would come home early... because if he came home early, that meant he was hurt or dead.
13. It was hard for the first year after he got home. We had to seek counseling.
14.Easier than just us.
15. I know I could have used it. Too much other stuff to do. No time.
16. no
17.n/a
18. no
19. My mother
20. unless you have been there, do not EVER say "I understand."
21. 24
1. female
2. first was bosnia, second Iraq
3. spouse and lover and best friend.
4. oh yeah.
5. Yes. but the disfunctional FRG sucked. so we made our own.
6. yes, the "self made" one did.
7. d, e, f
8. constantly
9. not so much
10 yes. sometimes I didn't want to get up and get on the hamster wheel.
11. exhausted
12. that he would be wounded
13. improved in some ways, writing more, talking about things that mattered.
14. family/ depends. His sister I decided I could not handle anymore. My parents - drive me nuts sometimes.
15. Yes, after we found out about their extension
16. Yes. after the extension
17. 2 counseling sessions. yes it it did.
18 No.
19 My friends in the self made support group
20. That its hard, as hard at the beginning as it is at the end. "only a little more" is BS. and if one more person says... suck it up - you knew what you were getting into... they could get hurt.
21. 50
1. Female
2. Iraq
3. Spouse
4. Yes
5. Yes
6. Yes, on the one day a month we met together. No on the other days/nights when the spouses who had been with the unit for years got together without us newbies.
7. Consistent lack of sleep, depression, anxiety
8. Every day. Almost every minute of every day.
9. Some days I did. Other days I didn't have time between taking care of my dying dog, and being there to chat with my husband when he was able to get online.
10. Very difficult considering we had just moved to KS literally 1 month before he left, so I had no social life to fall back on. I knew nobody, so it was hard to maintain normal daily life. My whole life revolved around my husband. It's very hard not to have your own life.
11. Empty. Lonely.
12. That he would die. That I'd never see him again, or that things would change between us when he got home, and we wouldn't end up together because he had changed while he was gone.
13. Part-way through I thought we were done. We just weren't making it apart (yet again!). We did chat about some tough issues and were more honest with each other after a while, so we learned things about each other. But we almost didn't make it.
14. Well, I thought my friends were going to check up on me more often, but that wasn't really the case. My family did though. If my mother didn't hear from me on a regular basis, she got worried since she knew I didn't know anyone here. Anything could have happened to me and nobody would know it, so she checked with me pretty much daily. It meant a lot to me. But it didn't really affect my relationship with anyone.
15. No. I thought about getting therapy to learn how to stay faithful to my husband while he was deployed, but that was all I thought I'd benefit from. I never did cheat on him, but given the opportunity, I probably would have.
16. No
17. Didn't seek therapy
18. No.
19. Him being able to be online and chat with me almost daily. I wouldn't have made it if we couldn't talk so much.
20. It pisses me off to no end when people say they understand. Unless you've been in the same situation (and every person's situation is different), you don't understand. You never could. And don't compare being away from your spouse for a few days or a week to being deployed to a combat zone-For a year! I've just lost a year of my life! Stop whining about a week!
People seem to think we're doing special because we're left at home- I can't count the number of times I've been told "I don't know how you do it". Do what? Survive? Get up and continue breathing in the morning? Am I supposed to literally die in the middle of the night when he leaves? I get up, and go through the day like everyone else does. I don't enjoy it. I don't go out when he's gone. It's not like I'm making a great life while he's gone. I'm not unbelievably strong, able to deal with everything. I'm not doing anything more than anyone else would in my position. It's just that most people aren't put into the same situation.
And I hate it when people say "you knew what you were getting into". You know what? I didn't know. And if I had, I probably wouldn't have gotten into it. My husband hadn't been in the Army very long, so couldn't answer any of my questions before we got married. I was only 20, and didn't know anyone who had been in the military. I was naive, and didn't know what I was getting into, so I wish people would stop saying that, like we brought it on ourselves.
21. 33
1. Female
2. Iraq
3. Spouse
4. Yes
5.No
6. I didn´t seek support
7. Consistent lack of sleep and anxiety
8.Ever second of everyday
9.Ummm not as much as him
10.Some days were harder than others but I think you get good at putting up a front
11.Alone
12. The same fear every military family member has that dreaded knock at the door
13. It drew us closer made us communicate better
14. I think I distance myself from them it was hard to talk to them about it because they don´t really know what to say
15.Yes
16. No
17. NA
18. No
19. My husband he is amazing and always happend to call at just the right time and another military spouse
20.The constant worry and emtional toll it takes on us
21. 25
1.Female
2.Iraq
3.Spouse
4.I felt I was better dealing with the deployment alone, no one else seemed to understand.
5.No, they tended to have more drama than I needed.
6.N/A
7.yes
8.Almost constantly
9.Very little.
10.It actually at first was hard but then got better to go off to work to try to avoid thinking of him and the danger he faced and what he had to deal with and what it would be like for him to deal with what he had to live through.
11.Anxious
12.that he would not return
13.It brought us closer
14.They never seemed to understand fully what we as a military family go through....they do not see it or feel it on a daily basis.
15.No
16.no
17.n/a
18.Yes
19.Hearing his voice on the other end of the phone, knowing at that moment he was alive and well.
20.I would just want them to be grateful and thankful for them having their loved ones there with them daily due to the selflessness of our deployed family members.
21.41
1 Female
2 1st deployment Bosnia 2nd Iraq
3 spouse
4 Yes
5 Yes
6 Yes Online groups seem especially helpful
7 a no gained weight
b no
c no
d yes
e yes
f yes
8 Every spare minute
9 rarely
10 yes spouse was primary caregiver in the home. His only job was part time national guard otherwise he was full time house husband. He leaves a huge hole when he's gone.
11 1st angry 2nd sad
12 That he would die or be severly injured
13 It nearly killed it.
14 becaome closer to several friends
15 yes
16 yes
17 yes
18 no
19 faith and church community and friends
20 Imagine being widowed with your dead spouse haunting your computer and phone on an irregular basis. If you haven't experienced it you have no idea what it's like. Even if you have experienced it we all have different ways of coping with it.
21 47
1. Female
2. No Second/ Iraq
3. Spouse
4. No
5. Yes
6. Yes. It made me alot happier
7. a. yes
b. no
c. no
d. yes
e. no
f. yes
8. All the time.
9. Rarely
10.No not really, I have a you child at home so life goes on.
11. First deployment was overwelmeing.
12. My husband not ever being able to see his baby girl. He was in Iraq when she was born and for the first year of her life.
13. Made it stronger.
14. did really talk to them much as I didn't feel like they understood what I was feeling.
15. No
16. no
17. n/a
18. No
19. Talking to my husband
20. That it's hard, the constant unknown, the being mom and dad but it's what we do....
21. 31
1. Are you male or female?
Female.
2. In your first deployment experience, where was (or is) your spouse/lover deployed? Iraq or Afghanistan?
Iraq.
3. Was the person deployed your spouse or your lover?
My husband.
4. Did you feel the need for emotional support during the deployment? If the deployed was not your spouse but your lover, did you feel adequate support was still available to you?
Thus far, when someone tries to offer my emotional support it makes me feel worse. I know that support is available should I need it, but for now I prefer to work things out on my own.
5. Did you seek support from spouse groups during the deployment?
I have been a member of MSSN since June 2006, and I feel that they are a great support group, whether you have a deployed spouse or not. However, I am not involved with the FRG or other spouse support groups.
6. Did the support improve your emotional state? If yes, in what way? If no, why do you think it didn't work?
I wouldn't necessarily say it improved my emotional state, but it is nice to know that what I'm feeling is normal and that others have been through and survived what I'm feeling. Just having them there gives me hope and keeps me optimistic.
7. Did you experience any of the following during the deployment? (Please only answer yes if the symptoms occurred regularly or consistently - we almost all have brief periods of weight loss, depression, etc.)
a) weight loss
b) hair loss
c) unusual illness
d) consistent lack of sleep
e) depression
f) anxiety
*My husband has only been gone a month, today. I don't have enough of a time frame to have any significant changes, either way.*
8. How often did you think about your deployed s/o?
A lot. Little things remind me of him--maybe more than the big things so far. And I say a prayer for him at least twice a day.
9. How often did you think about yourself?
I have always put myself last. But lately, when I don't want to do something, I think about how my husband would feel about that. He is so supportive that sometimes the only way I can tie up my running shoes is to think about how proud he would be/is of me for keeping my life busy without him.
10. Was it difficult (emotionally) to maintain your daily life as you had before the deployment? Why or why not?
It is impossible to maintian life as it was before he left. I moved back home with my parents, and between the stress of him being gone, going to school, and the overall emptiness I feel, it's pretty hard to just get out of bed without crying some mornings. But I do it, for him.
11. What word you would choose to express your emotional state for the duration of your first deployment experience?
Hollow.
12. What was your greatest fear during that time?
That I will lose the person I've loved most in my life and I'll have to try to live the rest of my life without him.
13. How did the deployment affect your relationship with your significant other?
It has strengthened the way we communicate with each other and made us more sensitive and considerate of what each other are feeling.
14. With friends and family?
It makes me almost sad that my friends are happy with their husbands/boyfriends here and safe, and they just don't understand the sense of emptiness I feel and that I don't always want to party. My family tries to be supportive too, but I think I've withdrawn from them more, because there are somethings that I just can't share with them.
15. Did you think you might be able to use professional help during the deployment (such as therapy)?
Maybe everyone could benefit from therapy of some kind.
16. Did you seek therapy?
Not yet...but I still have over a year to go.
17. If you answered yes, did the therapy help?
18. Did you take anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication to help you through your first deployment experience?
Not so far.
19. What was your greatest source of support during the deployment?
MSSN, my faith, and my husband.
20. What, if anything, would you most want people to understand about the deployment experience of those left at home?
It's hard. It sucks. But we chose it, and we're strong enough that there isn't anything we cannot get through. With God all things are possible, even surviving deployment.
21. How old are you?
25
1. Female
2. My husband was deployed June 2005 - August 2006 to Iraq.
3. Spouse
4. Absolutely! Without emotional support I wouldn't have made it!
5. I am a Battalion Commanders Wife so you could say that my involvement in the Unit's FRG was not only voluntary but also mandatory. Many look to the Commanders Wife for support and strength.
6. Yes, I made some Lifelong friends during deployment! Military Spouses, Fiance's, Girlfriends and Parents all share a commen bond that people not associated with the military cannot relate to! We leaned on each other in hard times and were there for each other during happy times as well!
7. I experienced C/D/E/F. Aside from the lack of sleep, depression of being alone,every time my husband would call and tell me he was going on a convoy mission, I experienced Hives and Panic Attacks!
8. Every Morning, Throughout the day and Every Night!
9. As for myself, somewhat everyday because this deployment impacted my quality of life.
10. Yes, everyday you wake up hoping that a Casuality Assistance Officer wouldn't show up at your door! I felt compelled to stay at home and not enjoy the things I usually did because of that very reason! I also think I had a bit of guilt about doing fun things while my husband was out in the desert fighting for the quality life of others!
11. Constant Worry
12. That he wouldn't be coming home to us!
13. I think it made us stronger! He now sees my level of committment to him and his duty as an officer in the military. he saw that I can survive and embrace his Military career without disagreement. Military has been a part of his life for 22 years and
I would never ask him to give it up. I think that was his biggest fear...but I see that when I married him...the military was a package deal in our marriage.
14. My relationships to my family and his family are stronger, they understand the lifestyle. I've made MANY lifelong military friendships, however, my relationships to those not associated with the military did wander a bit because honestly, they just don't understand the level of sacrifice! They are still my friends but Im not as close to them as I once was.
15. Not necessarily. My Primary Care Physician was always ontop of my anxiety state and always there to help in any way. Belonging to a close knit group of military wives was all the therapy I needed! We met once a month and were online with each other daily. Besides, MSSN is like Therapy! LOL
16. See #15
17. N/A
18. I am and always will be on Zoloft due to my body's inability to produce seratonin. I've been on it since 1994, long before the military was a part of my life. My PCP did increase my dosage during the initial phase of deployment as saying goodbye seemed to be the most stressful part for me. I also was able to increase my dosage as I felt fit during times when he went on convoy's.
19. The Family Readiness Group of my husbands unit and MSSN!
20. They need to understand that even though our husbands chose this as a career, we don't necessarily get a choice when they deploy. Yes we knew it was possible when we married them, but it doesn't make it any easier! They also need to understand that our husbands/significant others/sons and daughters are fighting this war so that the United States is a safer place. No One Understands That!! They think that if we just bring them all back home, everything will be alright....until the next 9-11 happens! Then it will be someone elses fault.
21. 40 yrs old.
1. Female
2. My husband was deployed to Kuwait June 05 and is still gone.
3. My spouse
4. I did feel the need for emotional support in the beginning because it was our first depoyment. However, as the time went on, I was ok. Where my husband is at, he is able to call daily, which I feel very fortunate. However, I have family and friends here so when I need that extra support it's nice to know I have people I can go to.
5. We have Family Readiness here, but they really don't do much, so instead of seeking support from them, I went with seeking support with other Military wives that I had met during the pre-deployment phase.
6. I absolutely think it helped my emotional state! It was nice to have to have someone else to talk to, because they understood exactly what I was going through. We were able to talk about other things that took our mind off of the deployment and in the end I gained new friends! Everyone that I chose to be in my "support circle" were amazing in helping me feel better about this deployment and how I handled things, which is turn, I wasn't a basketcase.
7. Just for the brief period of time :) (d.e.f)
8. Everyday.
9. Not very often.
10. No. The reason I say no is because I am a person, who has a life too. I have to get up and go to work, I have a dog to walk, I have bills to pay, I have regular things to do! Just because my husband is deployed doesn't mean that my life ends. There are subtle changes that are different, but I have a household to run and I just can't drop off the face of the earth while he is gone. It doesn't work like that!
11. Lonely
12. That they would be extended or that something bad would happen and he wouldn't be coming home to me.
13. It has made us stronger! I think relationships can go either way on a deployment. Both my husband and I have as strong belief in marriage and in God and that is what keeps us going. We talk daily (and I know I am one of the lucky ones, I don't take it for granted) and we don't focus on troubles. We focus on how well the other one is doing, we don't argue becaue really, it doesn't do either one of any good. We definitely talk more because it's what you can do, and in doing so, I think it just deepens the bond between us.
14. I have lost friends with this deployment. People have said some hurtful things and they don't understand the war. No one really called to see if I wanted to do anything because they would be with their husbands or boyfriends and they didn't want to make me feel bad. I am a grown up, I can handle it! The upside to it all though is I have made some incredible friends with the other wives! Family is family....they will always be there to support you no matter what! I come from a very strong/dedicated military background so I know they will always be there! The only family I didn't hear from, was my husbands...rarely. I talked to his Grandma often, but that's about it. It's really kinda sad.
15. Yes
16. Yes
17. Yes. I was actually in therapy for something else, but it was helpful to talk about the deployment and my concerns.
18. I was on it, but not because of the deployment.
19. My family and friends
20. They need to understand that our spouses chose this as their career and no one is forcing them to be overseas fighting for the freedom of this great country. It makes me mad and I hear so many times that "this must be so hard for you" and "how do you manage being a military wife" and i could never do, you are truly a strong woman." I might be a strong woman, but that doesn't mean I want to deal with all of this or that it makes it all okay. I do it because I love it! I do it because I love my husband and I support my husband. My husband does it because he loves what he does! It's that simple. People need to understand that these men and women were not forced to go, they weren't drafted. They went in voluntarily. People forget the reasons we are over there, hello? Did you forget about 9-11?
21. 29
1. Female
2. Iraq
3. Spouse
4. All the emotional support I needed I received from my spouse.
5. No
6. N/A
7. My sleeping patterns were very irregular. I would stay up until 5, 6, 7 AM and then sleep all day.
8. Constantly, while I was eating, shopping, taking a shower, watching TV, everything reminded me of him.
9. Everytime I felt upset, sad, worried.
10. No, the first month was pretty hard but after that I got used to the fact that he was gone.
11. Lonely
12. The obvious, that he would be killed or injured.
13. It made us appreciate one another more. The only bad thing is that he was sent home due to injuries and that has put a little strain on our marriage, but nothing we can't work through.
14. No changes really. Friends and family were there to talk when I needed them. They treated me like I was "normal."
15. No
16. No
17. N/A
18. No
19. Being able to talk to my hubby almost everyday via phone and internet. Being in touch with him on a daily basis helped ease my mind.
20. That military wives can stay faithful to their husbands even if they are gone for a year!!! Unlike other people who responded to this survey, I never had a problem with someone asking how my husband was, asking how do I do it, etc etc. In fact, I got a lot of thank you's to both my husband and I!
21. 24
I wish you well. I dewployed to Vietnam twice, but I was single.
1.female
2.Kosovo...so hoping this all is still useful, if not, just ignore!
3.my spouse of 1 month
4.yes, I felt a huge need for help and support
5.No, there wasn't much information available to me..the few newsletters I did receive didn't talk of any meetings or get togethers. The only spouse groups I found helpful were online.
6.the help I found through women online helped me greatly. I found the answers I needed and support and sympathy from those going through the same situations.
7.
a.yes (from a size 7 to a size 1)
b.no
c.no
d.yes
e.only in spurts
f.yes
8.constantly. I dont think there were many times throughout the day that I wasn't thinking/worrying/wondering.
9.I thought often about how the stress was affecting me and my relationships towards friends and family who did not understand. I worried about my ability to make it through the entire deployment without falling apart.
10.yes, the life I had during the deployment was much different than before. Some things..like work...stayed the same, but I spent a lot of time alone and at home..unable to do the things I normally would have done with my spouse.
11.sad, tired and anxious.
12.Losing my spouse, or having something happen here at home that I could not cope with.
13.It strengthened our relationship tremendously and taught us how to truly communicate with each other and support each other.
14.my friendships suffered, either because I stayed away, not wanting to bring them down...or because they didn't know how to talk to me about what I was going through. My relationship with my family stayed unchanged, though my mom and I grew closer. She was my main support.
15.There were times when I wondered if I needed help.
16.no, once finding the support I needed through other spouses, I realized that much of what I was going through was normal.
17.n/a
18.no
19.my mother, my husband, the friends and spouses I found online.
20.I don't think there's enough room or time to truly answer that! People need to realize that those who are at home suffer as well...and need support as much as the soldier they are missing. There's a lot of stress involved - one person doing what two would normally do..and I don't think people realize how helpful a simple "can I do that for you?" can be. Its hard for us to ask for help and support. And often we go through this all alone due to pride. Deployments are life-altering...and the time goes by 10 times slower for those involved.
21. I am 27 now, I was 24-26 when my spouse was deployed.
1. Are you male or female?
Female
2. In your first deployment experience, where was (or is) your spouse/lover deployed? Iraq or Afghanistan?
Iraq
3. Was the person deployed your spouse or your lover?
Spouse
4. Did you feel the need for emotional support during the deployment? If the deployed was not your spouse but your lover, did you feel adequate support was still available to you?
Yes I have felt the need for emotional support, and have discovered that I get much more of this living on post.
5. Did you seek support from spouse groups during the deployment?
Just online forums
6. Did the support improve your emotional state? If yes, in what way? If no, why do you think it didn't work?
From online forums, I felt like I could relate to anyone- and it didn't matter if my questions were dumb, because no one knew me anyway. However, in the real world- I feel like I get all the support I need living on post.
7. Did you experience any of the following during the deployment? (Please only answer yes if the symptoms occurred regularly or consistently - we almost all have brief periods of weight loss, depression, etc.)
a) weight loss
no
b) hair loss
no
c) unusual illness
no
d) consistent lack of sleep
no
e) depression
no
f) anxiety
no
8. How often did you think about your deployed s/o?
Constantly
9. How often did you think about yourself?
I thought about myself when I needed to. Deployments make you an independant person- because you have to fend for yourself in many aspects. Which also is a big adjustment when your SO comes home.
10. Was it difficult (emotionally) to maintain your daily life as you had before the deployment? Why or why not?
It was very difficult to do this, because the stress of it coming is extremely difficult to deal with. It's like you know it's coming and you want to savor every moment of it; but no matter how hard you try- you can't make the time slow down.
11. What word you would choose to express your emotional state for the duration of your first deployment experience?
Scared
12. What was your greatest fear during that time?
The minute he left, I remember thinking "Oh God, things may never ever again be the same."
13. How did the deployment affect your relationship with your significant other?
We grew closer, because we either had to quit trying or try harder to make things work- and we chose to work harder.
14. With friends and family?
My relationship with my inlaws completely fell apart; while my relationship with my own family and friends grew stronger.
15. Did you think you might be able to use professional help during the deployment (such as therapy)?
Yes, I think there are times when you feel like you can't put one foot in front of the other; and that it would be helpful to utilize therapy during these times.
16. Did you seek therapy?
No, had it been an easier option; I would have.
17. If you answered yes, did the therapy help?
18. Did you take anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication to help you through your first deployment experience?
No
19. What was your greatest source of support during the deployment?
My neighbors and military family on post.
20. What, if anything, would you most want people to understand about the deployment experience of those left at home?
It's not something we want to do, it's something we have to do; and we don't enjoy doing it; but our SO's make it worth it.
21. How old are you?
23
22. (this is a new question, added July 2) Do you think the show "Army Wives" accurately depicts the deployment/military spouse experience? (I don't work for Lifetime - I may use the answers to this in a column I'm writing for the newspaper I work for, in the TV section - there was recently a TV Guide article calling the show one of the more accurate shows on TV, and I'd like to know if you agree. Please be honest, and say as much as you like.)
I like the show, but I think it has a bit of hollywood thrown into it; just for ratings. Honestly, the show makes me cry; because it does have true aspects... which really hit home. There are little things that I can say "yeah right!" about, but I know that it's just television; and I for one am glad that we as army wives are getting some recognition.
1. Female
2.Iraq
3.Spouse
4.Yes, I relied heavily on other Army Wives & Church Family
5.Yes I helped as a POC with the FRG & attended the BN Bible Study Group weekly
6.Yes, it made me realize their where other wives going through the same daily emotions as me. From crying at strange moments , to laughter at some seriously weird remarks made buy my spouse when we did talk, to just plain loneliness.
7.2nd Deployment I lost 23 pounds & all the deployments have resulted in my now being on a sleep aide for almost 7 years.
8.It was always present i my mind- almost every couple of minutes I was thinking about him & worried.
9.the Second deployment I thought about myself a little more, trying to do a Girls activity with other wives at least twice a month to keep my sanity.
10.Yes- I had several FRG meetings a week during deployment #2 & #3- so the kids routine was always different.I was the FRG leader both deployments.
11.Worried & Sad most days
12.My Husband would Die & I'd get that dreaded knock at the door- I never slept until after Midnight & was up peeking out my front window by 5:30 AM to make sure there was no car waiting outside- never turned my lights on until I checked.
13.After the first we where really close almost like he had never been gone.
After the second- the 13 months apart with NO R&R took it's toll & he came home with PTSD- took a long time to get back on track.
After#3 we are steal dealing daily with his PTSD & have learned to modify our behavior in our home if he is having a bad day.
14.Some checked in daily & asked how they could help. Others seemed to not care or realize my husband might not come home to his family- it was at times very disheartening & I tended to gravitate to ONLY military friends after awhile. They understood & never judged.
15.Yes by #3 I did ask for help.
16.Yes, I saw a free Counselor a couple times that was provided for us.
17.some, but I found talking with other Army Spouses when I was having a bad helped more.
18.No
19.My parents & other Army Wives who became like family.
20.That it at times may seem like we aren't thinking about our Soldier because we are laughing or participating in a Family activity- but we mostly try to fill every minute of everyday with an activity. So that we can tell our Soldier that we got out of our home & did something "fun" & took pictures we emailed them. That I am ALWAYS thinking of my Spouse when he is away & that he is never out of my thoughts as well as his fellow soldiers with him. That if you ask me how I am feeling don't always expect to hear the words " I am Fine" come out of mouth. If I tell you the truth about my day, please don't look like you want to run away- just ask me " How can I help?" Most likely I won't ask you to do a thing, but give me a hug & thank you for just listening.
21. 37
22.I think sometimes it does help civilians understand the emotions that run high- but you can't fit it all into 1 hour & it is a good piece of fiction TV for everyone.
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